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Jul
27th
Sun
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Moving is a strange thing. 

It seems to be the kind of singular moment in time that is somehow both entirely linear and uncannily circular. On the one hand it is a moment of transition—new opportunities, new home, new life. One moment of likely many like these on one’s meandering path. 

And you feel the thrust of this linearity, the inevitable pull forward as you pack your tchotchkes and your memories, as you drag Sharpies across cardboard boxes. Slowly changing your apartment from a home to a place where you sleep before you go to your next home.  But then you finally arrive at the moment where you’re faced with an empty apartment and you can’t help but think how familiar this feels, how you’ve been in this moment before, when you first walked into this empty box and faced the joyful task of turning that box into a home. 

But you’re at the end of that circular moment, not the beginning. The apartment, for all your ardent cleaning, still bears the mark of you, of your five years of life there, in scuff marks and scents and cat hair that will not come out of the carpet no matter how many times you vacuum. 

And you watch your partner travel the perimeter of the living room with the vacuum crevice tool, trying to extract the last little bits of you from the space. And even though it’s no longer your home, you realize how indelibly your life has been marked by this place and its people. 

Goodbye, Bloomington. See you soon.

Moving is a strange thing.

It seems to be the kind of singular moment in time that is somehow both entirely linear and uncannily circular. On the one hand it is a moment of transition—new opportunities, new home, new life. One moment of likely many like these on one’s meandering path.

And you feel the thrust of this linearity, the inevitable pull forward as you pack your tchotchkes and your memories, as you drag Sharpies across cardboard boxes. Slowly changing your apartment from a home to a place where you sleep before you go to your next home. But then you finally arrive at the moment where you’re faced with an empty apartment and you can’t help but think how familiar this feels, how you’ve been in this moment before, when you first walked into this empty box and faced the joyful task of turning that box into a home.

But you’re at the end of that circular moment, not the beginning. The apartment, for all your ardent cleaning, still bears the mark of you, of your five years of life there, in scuff marks and scents and cat hair that will not come out of the carpet no matter how many times you vacuum.

And you watch your partner travel the perimeter of the living room with the vacuum crevice tool, trying to extract the last little bits of you from the space. And even though it’s no longer your home, you realize how indelibly your life has been marked by this place and its people.

Goodbye, Bloomington. See you soon.

Jul
26th
Sat
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I don’t think I ever shared the fruits of my be-a-big-ol-bitch-and-don’t-give-a-shit-ness: four tiny swallows, whose parents and human benefactress worked tirelessly to stick it to the haters so their fluffiness could be brought into the world.

I don’t think I ever shared the fruits of my be-a-big-ol-bitch-and-don’t-give-a-shit-ness: four tiny swallows, whose parents and human benefactress worked tirelessly to stick it to the haters so their fluffiness could be brought into the world.

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BUT REALLY THO.

BUT REALLY THO.

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What once was a glorious dinner becomes a sad, sad breakfast.

What once was a glorious dinner becomes a sad, sad breakfast.

Jul
25th
Fri
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As always, nothing classier than cereal in a solo cup.

As always, nothing classier than cereal in a solo cup.

Jul
23rd
Wed
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Nothing like a faux “5k” (read: 4.5 mi.) trekking race to get me out of my packing/bad-night-o-sleep fog.
Last gym workout for the foreseeable future because—as they say in the vernacular—shit’s about to get real.

Nothing like a faux “5k” (read: 4.5 mi.) trekking race to get me out of my packing/bad-night-o-sleep fog.

Last gym workout for the foreseeable future because—as they say in the vernacular—shit’s about to get real.

Jul
20th
Sun
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Six miles without agenda, some walked, most run. Six miles back on our storied B-line Trail. Six final miles that we’ll run together, at least for the foreseeable future. And tonight we’ll further celebrate with glorious food, drink, and other great friends. 

Six miles with one of the people dearest to me on this goddamn planet.

Six miles without agenda, some walked, most run. Six miles back on our storied B-line Trail. Six final miles that we’ll run together, at least for the foreseeable future. And tonight we’ll further celebrate with glorious food, drink, and other great friends.

Six miles with one of the people dearest to me on this goddamn planet.

Jul
18th
Fri
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Allie tagged me, and I do what she says. 6 pictures in which you feel beautiful.

1. After biting the head off my participant rose in front of throngs of horrified women at the Indy Womens Half Marathon. Being a badass athlete and feminist makes me feel powerful and beautiful.

2. A moment of 100% unadulterated happiness after visiting Anne in NYC last fall. 

3. Pittsburgh, a beautiful Americano, and a beautiful me.

4. Unexpected picture taken in Ostiglia, Italy after we were booted from the library because of more aftershocks.

5. Again with the happiness. Taken by my sister at the Schweizerhaus in the Prater in Vienna. I love the lighting, the colors, my hair, my smile.

6. This one never had a chance of not making the list. I am KILLING IT in this photo—the dress, the bling, the hair, the makeup. Classy and sassy as fuck.

And since I was so tumblr absent for so long, I don’t know everyone who’s done this, so if you have, don’t kill me! runningwithguts, lizcorre, thisfearlesslife.

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Ohai

image

I am hemorrhaging followers these days and I don’t blame you. I think this may have been the longest bout of tumblr radio silence I’ve yet maintained. This is for various and sundry reasons, so…cold brew date?

  • I don’t post about workouts even though I have, with the exception of vacations, maintained a 6 workout/week schedule. If I want to keep blogging I need to figure out what sort of material to post during longer periods of non-training, because while I know backing off from racing for awhile was an excellent thing for me to do mentally and physically, it basically killed my blog.
  • I have been majorly struggling with eating/food this summer, more than I have since I initially lost the weight. Much of this is due, I know, to not processing my feels about moving and eating for comfort instead. It’s been my M.O. my whole life. All of this is exacerbated by the move itself approaching, when wonderful friends and colleagues want to gather together for one last hurrah with glorious food and drink. Not to mention the beautiful trips I’ve taken this summer, where not splurging just seems sacrilegious (spoiler alert: I did indulge). And all I want to do is enjoy these moments, but right now they’re causing me a lot of anxiety and self-loathing. I desperately kick back against these moments but usually don’t win (subtitle: This is How I Know I Will Struggle with Food and Body Issues All My Life). Anyway, I’ve not wanted to post because I’ve felt like a Fraud Fitblr, and so I just slunk into the shadows. I’m legit nervous that I won’t fit into the dress I ordered for Liz’s wedding, and things will only get worse before they get better—it’s only a matter of time before we have to pack up the kitchen and rely on restaurant food before/after the move. Sigh. I’ve also been avoiding doing this exercise Allie tagged me in for these reasons, but maybe it’ll help me feel better?
  • Moving is no longer an abstract entity in our lives. I hate, hate, hate living in a state of transition. Our apartment is no longer a home, but a box filled with lots of other boxes. Not to mention I’m starting to have major sads about leaving my friends behind. I didn’t really make friends when I was teaching at this school before. I worry that I won’t again.
  • I obviously did not get my dissertation proposal written, but I had a great meeting with my advisor the other day, who is happy with my progress and excited about this project. I have one more deadline to meet before I move (the task handed down by her, the due date handed down by me), and then I will compartmentalize the dissertation for awhile. It is necessary for me to maintain any sort of sanity over the next several weeks.

W to the omp, y’all. Perhaps some happy things now?

  • The last time I got my hair cut I told my hairdresser I was really bored with my hair and was contemplating chopping it all off again. I’d just impulsively pinned a bunch of piecey bobs and WANTED IT RIGHT NOW WITH NO FORETHOUGHT. The thing is, I always love the chop for about two weeks…and then miss my long hair again. So she reasoned with me and we talked about maybe just doing something different, like wearing my hair almost exclusively curly. So she cut a few more curl-friendly layers into it and gave me some great tips (sleeping in big buns + No More Tangles detangler ftw, y’all) and my hair’s been into it. 
  • Remember how upset I was about the birds’ nest outside my apartment? After being tipped off by an anon that it was actually illegal for the apartment complex to remove it (Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918!), I emailed them and posted a sign on our door. The best news is that the swallows came back to the same place (they’re apparently super attracted to old nest locations, especially if there are remnants left over), AND NOW THERE ARE BABIES. Four that I’ve seen, maybe more. And I’m just really glad I spoke up because their nest might have been torn down again if I hadn’t.
  • I got drinks last night with an old student of mine and it was really fun and soul-warming.
  • I got a gig for next spring music directing for the theater department’s production of Threepenny Opera and I am 100% ridonkulously excited to take on a project like this.

That’s all the news that’s fit to tumbl at the moment. Maybe more updates about the move, or maybe I’ll become crushingly anxious about Tumblr again, idk. At any rate, I hope all of you are doing well—I am so hopelessly behind on my dash there is no chance of catching up.

Jul
8th
Tue
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THIS GAME IS FUCKING UNREAL

SCHLAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.